When He Blows Hot and Cold

Not sure how things are going in your relationship?

It can be very frustrating and confusing when you get mixed signals from your partner or prospective date. One minute you feel excitement, the next disappointment, which triggers a lot of insecurities and can lead to reactive behaviors.

Oftentimes, we take these interactions very personally especially if we have trust issues and start second guessing everything. Does he like me? Have I done something wrong? Does he like someone else?

You get the picture.

Although all of those options are possible, there are many other things that could be going on. He could be distracted by work or personal obligations, he could be dealing with his own fear and insecurity, he may be having some other type of internal conflict of his own that he is not sharing with you. It could be many things. If you are not communicating openly it is harder to figure it all out.

Which brings us to strategies and what you can do to try to navigate this situation:

Check your expectations both good and bad. Every relationship is different and involves the action/reaction of both parties. Try to avoid comparisons.
Keep an open mind. Do not assume his behavior is about you. This can help you manage your emotions and reduce the potential for reactive behavior patterns that may otherwise crop up when you feel insecure.
Do some inner work focusing on developing an internal locus of control where you do not depend on others for approval. Engage in activities that build your sense of self and increase your self-esteem.
Maintain strong ties to support systems including your friends, family, counselor or coach.
Do not make assumptions. Work on improving communication. Be willing to ask questions that could provide more insights into the behaviors and interactions.
Keep the relationship balanced. Avoid falling into the cycle of making the relationship about pleasing him.
Maintain appropriate personal boundaries.