Just like a magnet you are drawn to them. You know the folks I am speaking of, they tend to catch your attention with their natural charisma, easy humor, resilience and air of confidence. They seem very at ease with the world and comfortable in their skin. How do they glide through situations that cause others to feel self-conscious, awkward or overwhelmed?
They have simply mastered the art of self-love or more accurately self-acceptance.
We have all experienced those joyful moments after hearing a compliment that brightened our day, unfortunately too many of us depend upon outside reinforcement to activate this sense of inner acceptance making us forever dependent upon the good graces of others to reflect a sense of value back to us. In today’s busy world you can easily see where this could lead to a great deficit in self-perception. That is why it is an important component of happiness to learn how to tap into this positive mindset on our own.The words ‘self-love’ make many cringe because we have been socialized to not be self-centered and to be kind to others. Somewhere along the line we lost the concept that we also need to be kind to ourselves. Self-love is not about being conceited, or thinking we are better than others. It is about doing the inner work so you can recognize your strengths and special talents. It is learning about yourself, who you are, what you value and how you want to live.
Let’s explore this dynamic.
From the time we are children we are continuously sponging up perceptions and developing opinions of the world around us and how we fit into it. We sometimes buy into negative beliefs that establish limitations that can often leave us feeling unworthy or unlovable. It can be something we experience first-hand or vicariously … the seeds of our childhood and adolescence can become firmly planted creating an inner critic that influences how we approach our relationships with others.
It is important to learn how to confront the inner critic.
We are often our own worst enemy. It is difficult to recognize the scope of the damage we release upon ourselves due to these misguided perceptions. Although we tend to protect our friends from negative experiences we allow ourselves to experience and dwell in toxic emotions. This is how we create barriers to our own happiness
How do we turn it around?
It often involves stripping away negative beliefs we have accumulated throughout our lifespan and replacing them with positive reflections of our experiences that put things into a more positive perspective allowing for personal growth and validation.
Here are a few steps to get you started:
1. Engage in self-discovery. Spend some time getting to know the real you before ‘life’ happened.
2. Make a realistic self-appraisal. What are your strengths, preferences and resources?
3. Resist comparing yourself to others.
4. Avoid thinking in ‘lack’, recognize you have everything you need to be complete.
5. Engage in radical acceptance of who you are and where your life is at this moment.
6. Practice gratitude.
7. Be kind to yourself. Become your own best friend. Release the harsh self-judgment and monitor your self-talk to respond as a ‘friend’ not critic.
8. Seek assistance from a coach or counselor to help guide you on your personal journey.
Stacey Shumway Johnson, LPCC-S, LICDC-CS, BCC – www.2xlcoach.com
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