Never Enough – The Emotionally Unavailable Man

From the outside everything seems to be going well in your relationship.

He does not say anything too out of line or do anything that is blatantly ‘wrong’, yet you find yourself feeling emotionally alone more times than not and wanting more. You start to notice your thoughts always revolve around ‘ifs’.

You project, “if only he would say or do this” or take it on yourself to fix the ambiguity by thinking “if I could do this or If I looked like that” then everything would be better.

You find yourself fixating on the potential, instead of recognizing the reality of the situation.

Sometimes we want to be in a relationship so strongly that we dwell on the potential of our partner and relationship, who we think they are capable of being, not who they actually are at the moment.

He is so incredible, he is such a great catch, he is so handsome… yet things are not so perfect, with our perfect man because there is always some type of obstacle in the way. Whether it is his job, friends, family or some other type of passion it is directed on something other than you. It is frustrating and takes a toll on your self-esteem.

The danger is in getting caught up in trying to fix the relationship and focus on a goal, let’s say engagement, to the detriment of everything else.

So you may finally get him to offer the ring, but at what cost?

What did you have to give up on to make your world fit into the perception of what you wanted this relationship to be?

Too often, we are quick to give up on ourselves and decide ‘this is the one’, when maybe you would better serve yourself by being open to exploring other relationships.

Sure people are capable of change but it is an inside job. There are no guarantees and often a great deal of resentment is generated when a relationship has an uneven start with one partner sacrificing everything to simply make it work.

Allow better for yourself. Make a list. Visualize the perfect relationship. What do you need from your partner, how you will feel in this relationship and what it will look like? Then accept no less.

Stacey Shumway Johnson, LPCC-S, LICDC-CS, BCC – www.2xlcoach.com