Attracting Love – Shifting your Focus

The best way to approach dating is to focus on what you want to attract verses what you are trying to avoid.

Oftentimes, we are preoccupied with past perceived failures or negative encounters to the extent that we alter our behaviors or have negative expectations that eventually turn into self-fulfilling prophecies.

For instance, if you fear getting hurt in relationships, then you may tend to put up emotional walls that prevent you from connecting, in turn the relationship fizzles and you get hurt. This is where the inner work comes in. There has to be a level of trust and willingness to be vulnerable to connect in relationships.

Start by evaluating your beliefs.

Are you holding any negative core beliefs that are creating walls between you and healthy relationships? We absorb so much information from our environment…from the fairy tales of our childhood to the next-door neighbor we are continuously bombarded with information that may or may not be correct, yet we may accept it and act on it as if it were true.

For instance, if you believed that ‘all men are cheaters’, then you may have low expectations, expect the worse and act in a way that would possibly facilitate a negative outcome. It is important to look for patterns because you may not be aware that you are acting on these negative belief systems. If you struggle with this, ask a trusted friend or professional helper to assist in evaluating past encounters.

It is also important to clearly define what you actually want in a mate.

Get very detailed in this process, use your imagination and start making a list of only what you want.

Identify positive traits, is he family oriented, would you like him to be passionate about his career, children, lifestyle? Where would you live? What would your house look like? You get the idea.

Paint a picture of what you want your perfect relationship to look like.

How do you want to be treated? Imagine how it would feel to be in a relationship like this, really dwell on the emotion of how incredible it would be so you know what you are looking for and how it will feel. Then settle for no less.

Stacey Shumway Johnson, LPCC-S, LICDC-CS, BCC – www.2xlcoach.com